I hate this. I was once someone different, years ago, but I've changed. I can't stand it. I don't like who I was, but I don't like who I am now either. I hate constantly changing, moving on to something new, but I hate staying in the same place as well. It doesn't make any sense, I know, but it just is. I hate this history, and I dread the future. I feel as though I have no damn refuge, no safe place to hide from myself. Everything that I love seems to crumble and die, and I know it's my own damn fault. And the thing is, I can't forgive myself for that. I can't. It doesn't matter what other people think or say, I simply can't focus on the images that are flashing by. I want to break. I want to snap in half, overcome by the pressure, but I still keep standing, still keep moving. I want to fall down on my knees and beg for help, but I can't. I feel as though I have to fix it all, even though it's impossible to change the past. It's stupid, I know, but I fucking hate it. What's worst is that the people that I could talk to about this, that I feel could understand me when I tell them this, the people who wouldn't mind me crying on their shoulder: I've already pushed them away.
...Im probably going to lie staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night....
...and now I feel like throwing up....
EDIT: And what makes this situation all the much better is knowing how she's lied to me.






Merlin
--
"See the lightning in your eyes?"
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid, The Offspring
--
The meaning of life is the art of movement.
You can't understand how a candle is bright unless it is dark when you light it.
How's life?
Merlin
--
"See the lightning in your eyes?"
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid, The Offspring
--
The meaning of life is the art of movement.
You can't understand how a candle is bright unless it is dark when you light it.
Merlin
--
"See the lightning in your eyes?"
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid, The Offspring
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